Susan + God

So many of our friends along the way have made comments related to Susan’s relationship with God.  So many people along the way have said, “I wish I had that kind of faith.”  Or “I wish I could make that kind of impact.”

Just want to say here, on this gloomy Wednesday morning, that I do too.

I spent some time yesterday reading back through some of her blog posts.  I hadn’t done that in awhile.  There are memories that stir that are so strong I can practically feel them.  They’re as warm as this hot cup of Starbucks in my hand right now.

Today, I find myself missing the way that she was with God.  How she felt about Him.  How she knew He felt about her.  This relationship she had.  I’m realizing, all over again, what a rare thing this was.  Maybe, seeing it every day, I took it for granted.

She had a “thing” with Him, you see.  Even though she shared her relationship with God with me, she knew Him before she ever knew me.  And He knew her longer than that, of course.  She spoke with Him, every day.  She read His love letter to her, she let the words pour into her heart, she stood on them.  She rested in them.  Her first love was not me.  (I was her second 🙂 )  It was her Lord.  He was her first, best, and closest Friend.

And all of this, long before cancer.

She encouraged me in my relationship with God – she inspired me, just like many of you.  I had a front-row seat to something beautiful.  Breath-taking, is actually the word I want to use.

I miss talking to her about what she was learning.  I miss seeing her open up her Bible and sit quietly, taking notes.  I miss praying together at night in our bed.  I miss the tender words she used with Him.  I miss the way that she prayed for me.  Her genuine, authentic, humble connection with God challenged me in so many ways.  She sharpened me.  Days when I doubted God’s goodness, or even His presence, I would just have to look at her, and the doubts would melt.

Her life was, at the end of the day, defined by her intimacy with her loving, gracious, good God.

May that be true of me – and please God, for our children – the rest of our days.




6 Responses to “Susan + God”

  1. Kathryn Dickerson Says:

    Thanks for posting this today. I’m here getting my first chemo treatment (or 13th, counting last time), ansd thinking of Susan. I often wonder at her strength, and try hard to put my trust in the Lord to get me thru this again. To be an example to my kids of how to weather these life storms. Thank you for continuing to ahare you precious Susan with us!

  2. Linda Reeb Says:

    I re-read some of the blogs recently too – powerful, and you’re on to something here. Sifting through all the fluff of life, to get to the essence, Susan had discovered the anchor for her soul, from which the rest of her life flowed…..thanks for sharing.

  3. Nancy Jones Says:

    God is the one that gives and makes us His. He gave you Susan and He will give you what you need. I can see He is already making you into a great father and pastor. You are learning from Him, in His classroom. He has brought you into this trial and is carrying you and training you.

    How blessed you are to have known Susan and now you have (yours and her children) to train and bring up in the nurture and admonition of your Lord.

    God will continue to bless you and the children and as I have said before – making you into the pastor for His flock. Quite a big job and rewarding.

    You are stronger in the Lord, when you are weakest.

  4. Sharon Says:

    Still check your blog. I’m a friend of Diana’s. I continue to be deeply moved by your gift of describing your love for your wife, the grief you experience, and the gifts your wife gave you. You too are a gift and I thank you. As one who understands the depth of pain, I can only imagine……….

  5. Misty Dove Says:


  6. Charlotte Lennartz Says:

    I want what she had and has!

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